I hate being babied! [Sometimes]

I am so frustrated and angry right now. Yes, I KNOW i wrote a post a while back that I won’t be blogging but this place is for me to rant and rave and I needed to turn somewhere. My other blogs are far too serious.

Right. I hate it. Absolutely freaking hate it sometimes. I dislike having a stupid 9:30/10:00pm curfew [Can't believe I'm admitting this on here...] and it runs in the family. My Dads policy: no matter how old you get, if you’re living under him and you’re his daughter, you have to come home under a certain time. So yes, my 33 year old sister STILL has a curfew when she is over and shes married!

To a point I can understand, they’re our Parents, girls aren’t supposed to be out so late and they’re also pretty accomodating sometimes when they know its a wedding or whatever, but sometimes it just irritates me when I’m out somewhere and it gets lates and the calls start coming in.  Not to mention, it’s highly embarrasing when you need to accounce in between people that you need to LEAVE because its getting late and you have a curfew.

I know for a record its not about trust, my Parents know I won’t be out doing anything wrong, like walking into a club or going out on a date with some guy. In fact, I’m more strict about things like religion then they are. No, the problem is safety issues and no matter how many times I tell my Parents its absolutely safe, even after dark their curfew alarm doesn’t stop blinking.

I mean, I even wear a darned Niqaab when I go out! If that isn’t an armour on its own I don’t know what is.

Usually I’m the most chilled person about this, I’m back home on time and all that jazz, but sometimes its so freaking frustrating when you’re out somewhere doing some  social work or wherever and it gets late. I’ve been volunteering recently to sort out donations for SWAT somewhere over here, and sometimes it gets late.[ The other day i came home at 11 pm] So that day they were cool about it as I’d called and explained that things were being shipped off and we needed to work till late.

But today was an absolute disaster. Something or the other turned up and I couldn’t go and help put. I’m very passionate about these things, not to mention I’d told people there I’d be turning up today to help out as shipments were being transferred.

Anyway, finally, the car comes at 8pm. But lo and behold! My Mom throws a fit out me driving at 8pm. She goes and tells my Dad and I’m told not to go. I don’t understand why my Mom doesn’t still trust my driving… She thinks I’ll crash everytime I drive just because I got my license recently. In fact she still hasn’t sat in the car with me yet.

I want to bang something. Literally. Or shoot someone.

It sucks being the youngest sometimes. Because no matter how old you grow, you’re still the baby.

On a totally random note, I absolutely love the respect you get from Muslim Men if you wear Hijab or Niqaab. Totally makes my heart smile. [Not to mention that it sprouts fear in in their hearts and makes them uncomfortable, mwaha]. I’ve been working with a couple of your average decent Muslim Guys for the past few days, packing and sorting things and I’m the only Niqabi there. Some of them won’t even look me in the eye for more than two minutes, I think the Niqaab automatically makes them look somewhere else, which although is a bit funny makes me think it’s utterly adorable. And obviously I’m given a wide berth should I walk into any place.

And then you have those rare cases who are actually interested in you regardless of the fact that they can only see your eyes, hands and hear your voice, and although they do it respectfully and indirectly, they don’t fail in professing their ‘interest’. Hopefully I won’t be having to deal with anything ’serious’ by the time this campaign is over. It’ll just make things horribly awkard. Ahem.

Incidents & Niqaab

I’ve had a fun past two days. Tomorrow is the first of Muharram – the beginning of the Islamic New Year and a holiday – so I had an extended weekend.

Yesterday, I had an interesting incident. I’d gone out with a friend for coffee/dinner to this place where we usually don’t really go. The reason is because its normally frequented by Non-Muslims  [And Partying drunk Muslims] and alcohol is served openly so you don’t actually see a lot of Hijabis or ‘practicing’ Muslims around. But its  just a bunch of restaurants put together with a place outside and its set up as a village, so it makes a nice place to sit and relax.

We went there yesterday because we wanted to enjoy the weather and it was close by. Considering it was Christmas I already knew what would be happening but we thought we’d give it a try. It was a nice experience, the atmoshphere and the ambience was simply fab. I love Winters.

Our waiter was Filipino. [They usually are]. I’ve come to the conclusion that Filipinos are the most curious when it comes to some things such as religion. So he came to us, after having seated us and this is how our conversation went.

”So, can I ask you a question Madame?’

‘Yes, go ahead’ I said.

‘I hope you won’t be offended’

To which I said, ‘No, no – we wont’

‘Is it true that all the Women who cover their faces like you do are married?’

At which my friend and I started laughing. I was last thing to being married. I explained to him why Women covered their faces with Niqab, the reasons behind it and how it was an Islamic issue. But I’m glad he asked us, it was a great oppurtunity for dawah.

I had a feeling he was fascinated by us – because later on he I saw him standing up a bit further away whilst we were eating and staring at our table constantly. It made eating difficult.

Anyway this brings me to the issue of Niqaab. I call myself a part-time Niqaabi. And I’ve been one for quite a while – a year maybe. But lately I’ve been feeling guilty about it, I feel as if I should made a firm decision and be steadfast on it. I wear the Niqab here everywhere. But I’m not strict about it – in the sense that I don’t cover my face in front of my brother in law or my male cousins/relatives. I tried, but it’s hard, however – I wear it out wherever I go.

I thought I’d be able to do in Pakistan too when I visited. I had the intention to. But sadly, I didn’t have the strength to do it, too many issues – or maybe I gave up too easily? Karachi is bad for me like that, it weakens my Imaan. But it’s so hard there, I have about 50 or more male cousins who like to swarm my grandmothers house when we visit – not to mention the Aunties and all the events. So I gave up on it – even wearing it to the marketplaces. [I'd thought if I don't wear it at home, I'd do it outside at least].

Did I feel guilty? Yes – to an extent. I remember I was discussing the Niqaab issue with Falsa when I was in Karachi and we came up with [Or rather I] came up with the [lame] excuse that Men in Pakistan don’t exactly check out Hijabi Women in the first place so the Hijab does actually serve its purpose. And honestly speaking to an extent this is actually true – alhamdulilah.

Wear an Abaya and Hijab in Pakiland and [most] people assume you’re illiterate, backward and extemist. Not that I have issues with it if its acting as a repellant.

It was a lame excuse though, because in the end, it’s not all about Men. It’s to do with my soul, my Imaan and what I feel is best for me and brings me closer to God spiritually.

I know what a lot of people must be thinking – in fact, I’ve heard it quite a few times. ‘Oh, you’re doing the Abaya and Hijab already, it’s enough – Niqab is not even fardh’ - What people don’t understand is that there is never an ‘enough’ in Islam when it comes to doing good deeds and earning reward. There is always the next level – the next step to becoming a better person.

Secondly, this is something I feel strongly about religiously. Even over here, sometimes I get asked why I cover my face – I’m not married and young [Usually the old, married with Kids Auntyish Women wear it] – and sometimes I ask myself that too. Women love looking beautiful, even in Hijab, we still have that nagging though at the back of our head to ‘look good’. But I guess it’s not a ‘Woman’ thing – Men do it too, it’s more of a Human thing. [I'm not saying there is anything wrong with looking presentable though.] Wearing Niqaab is going against the ego, the nafs. But its spiritually pleasing and so satisfying to the soul.

Sometimes, I know, so many things would be easier if I just gave up on Niqaab completely – but would my heart and soul and my spiritual self be satisfied? No. In some things, I’ve come to rely on that feeling in my heart, we can never please people enough, but we can please Allah.

Sigh. Lifes a struggle.

So for now, I’m still a ‘Part-Time Niqaabi’ – I hope Allah [SWT] give me strength to wear it everywhere, regardless of Country or people and makes me stronger in it.

Grrrr…

In one of my previous posts I talked about not-so-nice embarrassing incidents which seemed to have been occurring with me for the past few weeks. I’d like to add a few more to the list:

- I burned my hand with hot boiling water. Alhamdulilah, its healed now.

- I have my Cousin and his wife over who are visiting the Country, and I usually walk around in my Abaya/Hijab around the house over my clothes whenever we have male [Non-Mehram] relatives over… because well its very convenient and usually my Cousins are careful because they know I do Hijab, so they knock before entering anywhere and/or clear their throats before coming in. My brother-in-law is over too, so I just don’t take the risk.

Khair, I had this really bad incident, where I, not knowing that one of my other [male] Cousin had also come over stupidly walked into the Kitchen trying to find my Mom to tell her that I was going to be going out. I just wanted to *bang* my head against the wall later. I promptly ran back the way I came from.

Only Women who wear Hijab can relate to the feeling the one goes through during these utterly horrible incidents. Gah! It was ultra embarrassing for both me and him I’m sure. Especially, considering I’ve been doing Hijab from them for years and they haven’t seen me without it, not to mention ridiculously awkard! I was cringing for ages after.

There is nothing you an do about it though except to meet them again pretending nothing happened. Sigh. Usually these incidents happen when I’m in Pakiland because of the numerous population of Cousins who all like to come together [MashaAllah].

Anyway, talking about P – Land, I might be visiting K-City [Karachi] in a couple of days for Eid… that is if we get seats. Apparently, all the flights are booked now and we were indecisive [And I still am!] about going before. If not for Eid, maybe for a few days after Eid.

The reasons for me being indecisive about visiting are quite a few, I think I’ll write a post on it. :p

But, it has to be said, Baqra Eids in Karachi are fun if nothing else. Last time I spent it there, all of us Cousins would wake up everyday in the morning, fill into the cars and drive down to some area near Tariq Road and watch Camels get slaughtered. [Not for the weak of heart!] In fact, because there were quite a few of us girls standing, and the crowd was moving back and forth in tune with the actions of the Camel, this Family were telling all the girls go up on their balcony and watch from a ’safe distance’. Lol, pretty sweet I would say.

[And I can't believe I'm ending this post on a positive note].