Funny Convos.

[My brother and I going in the Car discussing Swine Flu]

Brother: You know I saw a Kid wearing one of those masks here for the first time.

Me: Really?

Brother: Yeah, usually I’d see the Koreans or other tourists wear it, this was a local kid.

Me: Hmmm.

Brother: I think I’ve become slightly paranoid, whenever someone sneezes I tend to move a little away.

Me: It hasn’t reached here, you don’t have to worry.

Brother: I know, but still. It’s good to take precautions. You know, you should be careful too, if anybody sneezes, just put your hand on your mouth or move away a little.

Me: Err, [laughing a little], you know I wear the Niqab right? I don’t have to do all that.

Brother: Oh. (Deep in thought) I didn’t even think about that.

…

Brother: You’re like, automatically protected against any diseases. That’s so cool!

I hate being babied! [Sometimes]

I am so frustrated and angry right now. Yes, I KNOW i wrote a post a while back that I won’t be blogging but this place is for me to rant and rave and I needed to turn somewhere. My other blogs are far too serious.

Right. I hate it. Absolutely freaking hate it sometimes. I dislike having a stupid 9:30/10:00pm curfew [Can't believe I'm admitting this on here...] and it runs in the family. My Dads policy: no matter how old you get, if you’re living under him and you’re his daughter, you have to come home under a certain time. So yes, my 33 year old sister STILL has a curfew when she is over and shes married!

To a point I can understand, they’re our Parents, girls aren’t supposed to be out so late and they’re also pretty accomodating sometimes when they know its a wedding or whatever, but sometimes it just irritates me when I’m out somewhere and it gets lates and the calls start coming in.  Not to mention, it’s highly embarrasing when you need to accounce in between people that you need to LEAVE because its getting late and you have a curfew.

I know for a record its not about trust, my Parents know I won’t be out doing anything wrong, like walking into a club or going out on a date with some guy. In fact, I’m more strict about things like religion then they are. No, the problem is safety issues and no matter how many times I tell my Parents its absolutely safe, even after dark their curfew alarm doesn’t stop blinking.

I mean, I even wear a darned Niqaab when I go out! If that isn’t an armour on its own I don’t know what is.

Usually I’m the most chilled person about this, I’m back home on time and all that jazz, but sometimes its so freaking frustrating when you’re out somewhere doing some  social work or wherever and it gets late. I’ve been volunteering recently to sort out donations for SWAT somewhere over here, and sometimes it gets late.[ The other day i came home at 11 pm] So that day they were cool about it as I’d called and explained that things were being shipped off and we needed to work till late.

But today was an absolute disaster. Something or the other turned up and I couldn’t go and help put. I’m very passionate about these things, not to mention I’d told people there I’d be turning up today to help out as shipments were being transferred.

Anyway, finally, the car comes at 8pm. But lo and behold! My Mom throws a fit out me driving at 8pm. She goes and tells my Dad and I’m told not to go. I don’t understand why my Mom doesn’t still trust my driving… She thinks I’ll crash everytime I drive just because I got my license recently. In fact she still hasn’t sat in the car with me yet.

I want to bang something. Literally. Or shoot someone.

It sucks being the youngest sometimes. Because no matter how old you grow, you’re still the baby.

On a totally random note, I absolutely love the respect you get from Muslim Men if you wear Hijab or Niqaab. Totally makes my heart smile. [Not to mention that it sprouts fear in in their hearts and makes them uncomfortable, mwaha]. I’ve been working with a couple of your average decent Muslim Guys for the past few days, packing and sorting things and I’m the only Niqabi there. Some of them won’t even look me in the eye for more than two minutes, I think the Niqaab automatically makes them look somewhere else, which although is a bit funny makes me think it’s utterly adorable. And obviously I’m given a wide berth should I walk into any place.

And then you have those rare cases who are actually interested in you regardless of the fact that they can only see your eyes, hands and hear your voice, and although they do it respectfully and indirectly, they don’t fail in professing their ‘interest’. Hopefully I won’t be having to deal with anything ’serious’ by the time this campaign is over. It’ll just make things horribly awkard. Ahem.

Hec-tic

Last few days and the current ones have been crazily hectic. I’m not even getting time to breathe.

Aside from the fact that my little niece and nephew are over [They just sprayed starch on my laptop & desktop, left banana peels in different parts of the house and are terrorising my Cat.], we’ve re-furnished parts of our house.

Shifting and re-shifting furniture can be absolutely time-consuming. Not to mention, I have a little get together at my house on Saturday where I’ve invited all my girlies and we’re going to gorge on eat Lasagne and home-made chocolate cake [Which I'll be making inshaAllah]. I’m hoping everything is cleaned and immaculately perfect for Saturday. Also, I have a LOT of junk that I didn’t realise I have. Old papers and books which I need to find a place to give away.

I was at IKEA the other day and I’ve realised I just simply love going there. I love standing there and admiring the furniture and dreaming about how I would furnish my dream house. Sigh.

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Incidents & Niqaab

I’ve had a fun past two days. Tomorrow is the first of Muharram – the beginning of the Islamic New Year and a holiday – so I had an extended weekend.

Yesterday, I had an interesting incident. I’d gone out with a friend for coffee/dinner to this place where we usually don’t really go. The reason is because its normally frequented by Non-Muslims  [And Partying drunk Muslims] and alcohol is served openly so you don’t actually see a lot of Hijabis or ‘practicing’ Muslims around. But its  just a bunch of restaurants put together with a place outside and its set up as a village, so it makes a nice place to sit and relax.

We went there yesterday because we wanted to enjoy the weather and it was close by. Considering it was Christmas I already knew what would be happening but we thought we’d give it a try. It was a nice experience, the atmoshphere and the ambience was simply fab. I love Winters.

Our waiter was Filipino. [They usually are]. I’ve come to the conclusion that Filipinos are the most curious when it comes to some things such as religion. So he came to us, after having seated us and this is how our conversation went.

”So, can I ask you a question Madame?’

‘Yes, go ahead’ I said.

‘I hope you won’t be offended’

To which I said, ‘No, no – we wont’

‘Is it true that all the Women who cover their faces like you do are married?’

At which my friend and I started laughing. I was last thing to being married. I explained to him why Women covered their faces with Niqab, the reasons behind it and how it was an Islamic issue. But I’m glad he asked us, it was a great oppurtunity for dawah.

I had a feeling he was fascinated by us – because later on he I saw him standing up a bit further away whilst we were eating and staring at our table constantly. It made eating difficult.

Anyway this brings me to the issue of Niqaab. I call myself a part-time Niqaabi. And I’ve been one for quite a while – a year maybe. But lately I’ve been feeling guilty about it, I feel as if I should made a firm decision and be steadfast on it. I wear the Niqab here everywhere. But I’m not strict about it – in the sense that I don’t cover my face in front of my brother in law or my male cousins/relatives. I tried, but it’s hard, however – I wear it out wherever I go.

I thought I’d be able to do in Pakistan too when I visited. I had the intention to. But sadly, I didn’t have the strength to do it, too many issues – or maybe I gave up too easily? Karachi is bad for me like that, it weakens my Imaan. But it’s so hard there, I have about 50 or more male cousins who like to swarm my grandmothers house when we visit – not to mention the Aunties and all the events. So I gave up on it – even wearing it to the marketplaces. [I'd thought if I don't wear it at home, I'd do it outside at least].

Did I feel guilty? Yes – to an extent. I remember I was discussing the Niqaab issue with Falsa when I was in Karachi and we came up with [Or rather I] came up with the [lame] excuse that Men in Pakistan don’t exactly check out Hijabi Women in the first place so the Hijab does actually serve its purpose. And honestly speaking to an extent this is actually true – alhamdulilah.

Wear an Abaya and Hijab in Pakiland and [most] people assume you’re illiterate, backward and extemist. Not that I have issues with it if its acting as a repellant.

It was a lame excuse though, because in the end, it’s not all about Men. It’s to do with my soul, my Imaan and what I feel is best for me and brings me closer to God spiritually.

I know what a lot of people must be thinking – in fact, I’ve heard it quite a few times. ‘Oh, you’re doing the Abaya and Hijab already, it’s enough – Niqab is not even fardh’ - What people don’t understand is that there is never an ‘enough’ in Islam when it comes to doing good deeds and earning reward. There is always the next level – the next step to becoming a better person.

Secondly, this is something I feel strongly about religiously. Even over here, sometimes I get asked why I cover my face – I’m not married and young [Usually the old, married with Kids Auntyish Women wear it] – and sometimes I ask myself that too. Women love looking beautiful, even in Hijab, we still have that nagging though at the back of our head to ‘look good’. But I guess it’s not a ‘Woman’ thing – Men do it too, it’s more of a Human thing. [I'm not saying there is anything wrong with looking presentable though.] Wearing Niqaab is going against the ego, the nafs. But its spiritually pleasing and so satisfying to the soul.

Sometimes, I know, so many things would be easier if I just gave up on Niqaab completely – but would my heart and soul and my spiritual self be satisfied? No. In some things, I’ve come to rely on that feeling in my heart, we can never please people enough, but we can please Allah.

Sigh. Lifes a struggle.

So for now, I’m still a ‘Part-Time Niqaabi’ – I hope Allah [SWT] give me strength to wear it everywhere, regardless of Country or people and makes me stronger in it.

Bloggers Meet & Other stuff

So I met a couple of  Karachiite bloggers last night, it was fun. The details are at Karachiwalis blog post.

And so are my comments/impressions, etc.

My Cough/Cold seems to be getting worse by the day, and now to top it all I’m down with fever, again. Usually I’m not so bothered when I get a cold/cough, but this time its gone on for about half a month and I’m on vacation right now, so I really don’t want to stay ill. And if I get too ill, I tend to faint. I’ve gotten all my check-ups done but no one can figure out why I faint if I get ill. All the fluids in my body are normal and no, I’m not anemic. [The first time it happened was in a market here in Karachi a couple of years back.  Oh the embarrassment!]

My seats get extended… again. Sigh. First it was the 16th, then it became the 18th and now it’s either 20th or 21st of December. I’m traveling with my Dad and he wants to stay a little longer. I don’t actually mind staying longer [I'm not bored of Karachi as yet besides, I still need to shop and eat out], but I have important things to sort out back home.

Besides that, the dawats here seem to be never-ending. Karachites are very social. We have one to go today, and another one to go to tomorrow. I’m not exactly looking forward to the one tomorrow. It’s at my Sisters in-laws, and apparently my Sisters husbands brothers Wife was desperately trying to hook me up with her brother.

Sigh. Talk about being awkard. I really hope hes not there. I usually use the ‘I’m so religious that I’m an extremist’ appearance/excuse to put off un-wanted potentials but turns out, he’s religious too!

PS- Mad props to Muntadar Al Zaidi for throwing shoes at Bush! He’s made history and according to a lot of people, done what other Muslim Leaders should’ve done long time ago.

A trip to K-City

So I have a flight for Karachi on the 8th of December for the evening. I thought I’d be excited [I'm going after a few years], but surprisingly my excitement has sort of died down. I think it was the whole process of, ‘Oh we’re going! … No, we’re not! Ok-ay, we’re going again! But… no seats! Wait, seats might get done… might not… might get done… might not… might get done… Names in the waiting list… Are we going?.. Final verdict by the Parents: We’re not going! It’s not safe enough – Enough is enough… Cousin Calls – seats are done!’

We had four different people trying in two different parts of the World for our seats. I just realised how much Karachiites must love their city, the flights are all freaking packed!

Our house is a mess, or more appropriately according to my Mom, ‘A Jungle or a bhangar khaana’. There are suitcases strewn here and there, the dining hall has turned into our packing area and there are clothes in literally every room in the house. [Ok-ay, maybe not the kitchen or the bathrooms], but well, you get the picture. This is what happens when we do ‘rushed packing’. Not to mention, 8th of December is Eid here!!!

My Sister is leaving tomorrow because her seat got done for the 7th as there were no more seats available for the 8th.

I feel that I have *so* much to do but I don’t know where to start. I think I stress for no particular reason about every itsy bitsy little thing. I think more so now because I wasn’t prepared for this particular trip and was planning to spend Eid here. My hennas not done [Although that should be the least of my worries right now], and I won’t get time to get it done in Karachi, because we’re going to reach there at night but I doubt Qurtuba do midnight henna. Heh.

I probably like a stupid ditzy female worrying about Henna when I have a bucket load of work to do, but whatever.

I’m nearly done with my packing, i don’t need to keep a lot anyway considering nearly all my shalwar kameez are already in Pak, just need to keep a more skirts/t-shirts and I’m going to for a little last minute shopping for a pair of jeans the mall with my Sister in the morning and see if I can get a few gifts too for the cousins. [And you're probably thinking, what in the world is she going getting Western clothing to Pakistan?Well, ladies and gentlemen, the advantage of wearing an Abaya/Hijab is that no-one knows what you're wearing inside! ]

And to be honest, it’s way more comfortable then handling shalwar kameez. Shalwar Kameez is the way to go if you’re in Karachi and other parts of Pakistan, however wearing an Abaya gives you the benefit of wearing whatever you want. Although, God Forbid Aunties get a peak of what you’re wearing inside! Too many times I’ve heard the ignorant comments of, ‘Oh she’s a Hijabi and she wears Western Clothing’.

Although 1) I always wear an Abaya everywhere, including here and recently in Pakistan too – and if not, i’m in SK and I have a chador perfectly draped around with an added Hijab if i’m in Pakland.

2) The only time they see me without it and Hijab is when it’s all girls – so Islamically I’m not exactly sinning, but who is going to tell that to ignorant aunties?! [Aunties who don't cover themselves but like to criticise others!]

3) You can actually get away with being modest and wearing Western clothing at the same time. In fact, when I’d initially started out with Hijab [Just the headscarf] I’d colour combinate it with all my skirts/dresses/tops. However, no matter how decent you look even with Hijab, Western clothing isn’t exactly the best option in some parts of Pakistan. I guess every place and country has what is ‘acceptable’ and what is not ‘acceptable’, regardless of religion or anything else.

Anyway, before this turns into another post about Aunties I’m going to give it an end. I can feel the excitement build up again… I just spoke to my cousins, and they’re already planning a halwa pouri nashta. It’s not halwa pouri Im exactly excited about, but the re-union!

Complaints

I’ve realised I come here to blog mostly when I’m either going through stressful problems or in the mood to write little fictional/not-so-fictional pretty extracts. But, in my defense, I usually do go through normal phases of life too.

I’m so stressed out with everything right now. I have to make so many decision and I really hope that the decisions I make are the right ones. Sometimes, your life is so stable, steady and easy while at other times its a wild jungle.

I don’t know what’s happening about going to Karachi, we can’t find seats because all the flights are jam packed but my Cousin who is currently in Canada knows someone and is trying to get them done. I don’t know how he, living all the way there is going to do it, but I guess I’ll have to trust him because he is known to be resourceful. We’re going to be having a little re-union this Eid I think, considering all my aunts and uncles from Canada are also going to be coming, it’ll be fun, spending Eid together with the Cousins.

But I’m stressed [again] about going, finding seats back on time are going to be a hassle, I can only stay till 16-17th of december max because I need to be back and we can’t find seats later then the 20th. And then I’m also tempted to stay longer because my Mom and Sisters are planning to stay till the 25th of december. Gah. My neice and nephew and sister will be coming down from Isloo if we decide to go this Eid, and lets just I’m really longing to see them.

Not to mention, the current ‘halaat’ about Karachi, we keep on hearing things about people being killed and girls being kidnapped and raped. My own Cousin was kidnapped a month or so back, and lets just say it was a horrible month, not knowing if he was going to come back alive or not. Alhamdulilah they let him go after a month. Anyway, he was over with his wife a few days back and he told us some pretty scary stuff. So, this might sound cowardly, but I’m actually slightly hesitant [if not scared] about going.

After that incident, there was a ban on all the guys in our khandaan to stop their late night rendezvous and outings, so basically I was just thinking, if the guys aren’t allowed out so much, the girls won’t be either. So we won’t be having THAT much fun apparently.

Aside from karachi issues… i got… a job offer! SIGH. It’s a good position, they’re okay about me doing hijab/niqab, its an ok-ay environment and its related to the field I’m planning to go into. Mainly Media and Journalism.

But I’m hesitant and nervous. I’ve never worked before and I’m going to admit, I think I lack confidence. I can easily be trodden over and I get shy. A lot. They’re two types of being shy, the one where you are shy, have haya, for the sake of Allah and the other where you’re shy of people. I think I have the latter in huge amounts. I’ve never been a people person much. I have stage fright, I suck at giving presentations and I like to keep to myself and close friends and loved ones.

It’s true, I live in my own bubble. I rarely go into mixed environments because I’ve taken a year and a half-off from University, my days consist of learning and memorising Qurán, Internet, meeting my friends who are all practicing, going for Islamic lectures and writing articles for the organisations I work for. Subconciously, I probably don’t and don’t want to to venture into the big bad world. But, you got to do, what you got to do right?

A part of me has always wanted to be out there, doing something. And, not the feminist sort, career oriented person. [Although to an extent there is nothing wrong with it], But because I know I have certain talents which I don’t want to go to waste and If I can use them to help better the Ummah, to make a difference, why not?

And then… I had a thought. Is it actually so necessary for me to work? My family is going to provide for me till the day I get married, do I fit the position of the Women who are allowed to work according to Shariah? While on the other hand I really do want to work and my Parents don’t have an issue with it.

I think if they weren’t cool about me covering my face, I would still not have done it, but they are [Although I'm not strict about Niqaab infront of cousins, I wear out] and the person who contacted me for the position is also pretty religious himself. [Although these don't answer the above questions... gah]. It’s hard finding work with Hijab/Abaya/Niqaab sometimes and I spoke to a few Women who are working and do strict pardah and they said if this Job is walking upto you itself, you shouldn’t let it go to waste.

Khair, all they require is good English apparently. I sent in my CV, got a call today and I need to answer some questions before I get called for an interview. I spoke to the person who contacted me for it, [It's the same guy I'm writing for] and he said all they need is good English… and apparently considering I have an English accent, I’ll get in easy.

Which led me to a thought, why is our society so in awe of the West? What should an accent matter? Why are people so highly thought off if they have an American/British accent? I mean, what if I didn’t have an American or British accent? What about all my other qualities? They are looking at my written work though but still, I know a lot of people who get in other organisations because they look and speak good.

Anotehr thing was, I need to balance Qurán and this if I get accepted. I go for Qurán eveyrday in the morning from 8 to 1PM and work timings would be from 7:30am to 2:30pm. And this was making me go crazy, i can do this as a correspondance course at home, but it wont be the same as I wont have the pressure of giving a test everyday. Sucks right?

On top, I’m also coming down with a stupid dreaded SORE THROAT.

Sigh, it felt good letting all that out. And in the end, no matter how much I try, I’m still not grateful enough for what I have, I’m sure there are people worse than me.

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